So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
