How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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