Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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