The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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