i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
