The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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