I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
