Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
