Christians are straight up FREAKS
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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