Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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