HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize