Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
