dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize