Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
