whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
