all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I look better un-naked...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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