my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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