I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
