So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
