You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
