Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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