Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize