Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
