WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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