this beer tastes like vomit already
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I had to cum in my sink.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
