I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
