i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
