When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
