is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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