We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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