Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
