I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she looked like the before picture.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
