Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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