And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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