??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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