She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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