Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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