3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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