Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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