i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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