what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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