I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
