Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk is a universal language darling
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