Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
