Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
