I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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