i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
