Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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