No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
