I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize