Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
