Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
