Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
