I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
