He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
