youre lurking in front of me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
