i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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