Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
