I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
