i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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