Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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