Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
