But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize