Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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