i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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