His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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