i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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